IMAGINARY RELATIVES

Went to Colwick Racecourse car-boot sale as planned this morning. Fifteen furlongs of crap!

Actually, that's not quite true, I did get some bargains. A novelty, fingernail-clipper keyring in the shape of a violin, a pair of binoculars & some collectable pottery that's all been put on EBay.

I had a strange psychological experience as I wandering round looking for bargains to put up for sale. I actually felt REALLY GUILTY for buying things at a price that I knew was lower than the re-sell value. Ridiculous, I know, but it prompted me to invent a whole 'imaginary family tree' as follows.

"Ooooh that's a pretty plate! My Auntie Eileen collects things with birds/strawberries/windmills on them. How much is it?"

"Ooooh binoculars! My Uncle Gregory lost his last week when he went birdwatching in Lincoln. He'd LOVE those! How much are they?"

"Ooooh my gran's got that exact same teaset but she's broken a couple of the cups. She'd be thrilled to have them replaced! How much are they?"

It has to be said, my imaginary family tree is looking even better than my real one. I'm going to take Auntie Eileen with me next week as well - she did good.

I only bought one thing for myself (pats self on head) a biscuit tin full of buttons.

The rest of tonight will be taken up with sorting the buttons & asking myself searching questions: Shall I sort them into groups according to colour? Shall I sort them into groups according to size? Shall I group them into matching types? Why on earth would anyone want THAT stitched to their cardi?

Daisy came round briefly & we had a short, sharp argument about the disappearance of a tin of dogfood, 20 fags & a bottle of red wine last night. It wasn't her, obviously, so I've bollocked the dog instead for getting pissed up, smoking 20 Silk Cut Silver & then helping himself to a can of Bounce Chunks. He's sulking in his basket.

RANDOM ITEM NO.5

One of those carpet-covered tower things that people buy to encourage their cats not to scratch the furniture