HOW CLEAN IS YOUR MOUSE?

Decided to tidy the living-room today in an unprecedented move towards clean living.

I LOATHE housework ... it's all dusters, cleaning products & germ reduction. A waste of calories if you ask me.

Since the telly's in the living room I decided to switch it on for company. Lo & behold, there was an episode of 'How Clean is Your House' being broadcast to the whole nation .. or was it being broadcast ESPECIALLY FOR ME? Paranoia set in & with good reason.

Today's episode was devoted to a lovely lady called Rosie in London who hadn't cleaned her flat for 24yrs. She was addicted to crosswords & reading books instead of EVER bothering to do housework & obviously had a complete mental block about the whole thing (her dad was a Health Inspector apparently & according to Kim & Aggie would be turning in his grave)

I do like Kim & Aggie, they make me laugh. But really, this lady wasn't 'lazy' or 'slovenly' - she just had a genuine aversion to cleaning/tidying due to other issues. I could relate to her entirely & felt really quite sorry for her.

She kept her toothbrush & hairbrush in a cutlery drainer in the kitchen & seemed to genuinely not understand why it was a sin according to Kim & Aggie. I went straight into the kitchen & removed my toothbrush from the cutlery drainer & poured half a bottle of bleach into the sink.

As I watched Aggie merrily hoovering dust off Rosie's books (& Kim coming back to the show with some disturbing results from swabbing a plug-hole) I made a grim discovery in the corner next to the coal bucket: A decomposed mouse & a small, yet perfectly formed, cat-turd.

It's a sign from above, I know! Now is the time! I must do more crosswords & start reading again.

RANDOM ITEM NO. 8

The top off a pool table outside the Builder's Trades & Social Club. I NEARLY went back in the van to get it & then gave myself a good talking to. "Don't be bloody stupid woman, you've got no balls"